ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

LEADING AN INTENTIONAL LIFESTYLE


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Fear Drives Us Away From What We Love

We all have our fears. Whether it’s being rejected for who we truly are, failing to meet expectations, or being afraid that you will never be able to accomplish your dreams… we all have something we are afraid of. What are you afraid of?

Intimacy

Being willing to put yourself out there—to be fully known—is hard. When we open up and let someone see who you truly are we open give people the opportunity to accept or reject us. This means being real and not putting up walls. That’s hard. Really hard. It’s so much easier to preempt the possibility of rejection by not allowing people to see who you truly are or to place certain limits on the relationship to keep yourself safe. We tend to do this because of past experiences at times.

Your past.

Maybe you have already experienced the harsh rejection and feelings of immense failure because of a past relationship or risk you had taken. Maybe you actually tried for that position but weren’t even considered. Maybe that special someone broke your heart by telling you they didn’t really care about you and were just using you. You just can’t bare the thought of going through something that painful again.

Loss.

Maybe you love your job so much that you’re afraid to take risks which might result in you losing your position.
Maybe you care too much about a relationship and are stifling the other person because you are anxious and afraid that you will lose them.
Maybe you are afraid that your values might change and you will lose something that was once important to you; what if you lose a part of who you are? Identity is something many of struggle with when we are afraid of losing something, because often we build ourselves (who we are) on our past accomplishments, who we hang out with, and what we do. When things change we might lose who we are, and that can be downright terrifying.

Failure.

Sometimes if we feel that if things don’t work out that something is wrong with us. We don’t want to accept that so we don’t even bother taking a risk. When things get serious, we back down and step away from the challenge. When it comes to relationships people jump ship before it has started taking on water. It’s much easier to walk away knowing that we have not failed because we have not tried rather than to accept the idea of trying.

Control.

Life is unpredictable certainty is something that is hard to come by. When something or someone begins to encroach on our plans it can feel suffocating and make us feel like we don’t have the space we need to be ourselves. We feel like we’re losing control and we don’t have the power to do what we want. This feeling can leave us crushed feeling like we cannot meet our needs and accomplish our goals.

So what?

What do all these fears have in common? Self-fulfilling prophesy, “If you believe it is happening/going to happen, you will react in a way that will cause it to happen…

Relationships are often cyclical in behavior:
When somebody pushes for more distance, the other person usually attempts to close the gap to reassure themselves of the relationship.
When you fear that your past will repeat itself you begin to treat the other person as if it already has happened.
When you are afraid of rejection, you will come off less confident and are more likely to be rejected.
If you are afraid of losing something, you probably wont take the necessary risks and it will be lost.

If you live by fear, you will find yourself in the passenger seat of life heading to a destination you don’t want to go—it doesn’t have to be that way.

There is hope.

In the same way Self-fulfilling prophecy can work against you; if you believe that something good will happen you will respond in a way that will encourage it to happen.
Live your life seeing possibility and hope there is no need for fear. Sure, everything won’t go according to plan, but things can be better when you believe that things will be different this time.

Trust people and let them get to know you for who you truly are and you will find people who accept you for your authenticity.
Give people the space they need and see that they will respect you and want to keep the relationship
Take those risks and you’ll be able to live life to the fullest.
Accept that sometimes you lose people and parts of who you are, and that’s okay.
Understand that your past is in the past and whatever you strive for is what you can have.

There will be times we all experience fear, just remind yourself the truth that fear is there to encourage you to reflect on the decision you are going to make. Just don’t let fear make the decision for you.

In all things and pray for wisdom and comfort.

God is big enough to handle all of this (and more.)

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Waiting

I don’t want to wait—I want it now. I want to be done with the mundane so I can move on to important things. I want to spend my time with people I love doing things I am passionate about; connecting with other people, going on trips, and dreaming up ideas. I don’t want to have to wait for the opportunity to become successful, develop character or skills, or feel satisfied or content.  I don’t want to waste my time checking out at the grocery store, waiting to be seen by the doctor, visiting the Secretary of State to renew my license; I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to have to wait for college to be over with because I already know what I want to do with my life (just kidding, I don’t have a plan).

There are many different situations. Knowing how long I have, the end in clear sight, other times it feels like I’m living in a cloud, trying to see through the haze of distractions. Waiting—like sailing—can be full of uncertainty; the wind may blow me swiftly across the water or it may die down leaving me dead in the water.I may wait for days, weeks, months, or years, the answer isn’t always clear. I wait for important things like goals—things I really want to focus on—and I wait for things that don’t seem to matter, or that I don’t even care about. I wait to chase after my passions. I wait for change.

What if I never had to wait again? Would I have more time for the things I love and less stress? Perhaps, but that’s not how life works. The issue isn’t with waiting, it’s my perspective on what waiting really is. Waiting is a choice. I wait at the doctors office because I believe my health is worth it. Waiting shows significance. The longer I am willing to wait for something (or someone) the more important.  My life is filled with lots of waiting, however, I must confess I have not been waiting efficiently. I can get things done while I wait and make much better use of my time.

Be aware and wait with intention. When I schedule an appointment to see my doctor I realize that I will spend time waiting in the office. I prepare by either bringing a book or something else I wish to accomplish. While waiting for something with a more ambiguous timeline—such as marriage—I prepare. Asking couples about their experiences, joys, difficulties and challenges. I seek to consistently work on my character and relationship with God. While waiting on a job opportunity I review my credibility and character, “How can I be the kind of person they would want to hire for this job?” (reflect). I wait proactively, taking the necessary actions rather than rather than being a victim to circumstances.

We are called to wait expectantly and confidently. Psalm 39:7 says, “And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” When we are waiting in our lives we are called to trust in the Lord’s plan confidently; God will provide. However, many people forget the second part. We are to wait expectantly, preparing ourselves for that which we wait for. What are we waiting for? Waiting to graduate so you can start your dream job or career? Waiting for your children to mature so that you can teach them greater things? Are you waiting for your career to advance? Are you waiting on emotional healing from broken relationships? Whatever it is we wait for, we should wait expectantly with confidence.

Prepare yourself and trust in the Lord, he will do the rest.